Thursday, September 01, 2005

if you want to...

i remember thinking its bullshit to wait for a guy to fall in love with you and sweep you off your feet because he's only going to break your heart. i still hope i'm wrong about that one. my big book of rememberances. i remember going to the park by my house and bringing my cabbage patch doll and paint fell off the picnic table and landed on her but it was okay because she wasnt my favorite. i remember moving to bc after my parents said it would never happen and crying my eyes out and missing the last few years of my grandmas life and why didnt i talk to her more and why didnt i write her more she wouldve loved to hear from me. she was so proud when i graduated high school. i remember she loved us with everything she had. grandma youre cool. i remember getting a new bike with my dad and the one i was supposed to get was red and plain and ugly with a white banana seat and the one i got was cool and red like bmx style and had padding on the handle bars like all the boys bikes and i loved it. i remember getting a math award in grade 2 i got a book i think it was thumbelina and then failing math every year after gr 8. i remember stepping on a bee after doing a cartwheel and it stung me that was my first bee sting and it hurt. i remember when my dad bought a cd player and the first cds i had were bon jovi slippery when wet and bruce springsteen born in the usa. i remember watching earnest goes to camp at uncle eddies and eating pizza while everyone else ate chinese because i hated chinese. i remember getting a cell phone and thinking it was a great idea and now being chained to it because nobody ever calls and text messaging has given me nothing but grief. Grief. i remember the swiss kid and how it ended and how i hate endings but its all about the ending. how endings haunt me and why cant they ever be good and my cell phone has no messages. but i still keep checking it. i hate endings they are my least favorite. i remember riding my bike and playing with friends and having sleepovers and looking forward to being a teenager and thinking 20 was old and that i'd be married at 22 and things were so uncomplicated and so very complicated at the same time. i remember fighting with heidi and sarah and making up and playing favorites and threes a crowd even when your 10. i remember wanting to be loved. right now.back then. in the future. i remember a buddist quote if we look too backward or too forward we will only get lost. i remember tending to live in the past and relive every single moment especially the ones that hurt the most over and over until its hard to breathe and i have to remind myself to inhale. i opened my blinds today. its a start.

14 Comments:

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Mr. Energy Drink said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:44 PM, Blogger San Diego real estate broker said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:52 PM, Blogger shipkicker said...

goddamn spam has forced me to turn on the word verification. deal with it.

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger that girl possessed said...

awww i love the entry. beginnings are important but never seem nearly as significant as endings. hopefully this start is much better:)

i think we should kill spammers.... put them in the boo box!

 
At 10:45 PM, Blogger Jen-Nae said...

Ah Tara...award winning post...The "jen thinks its great" award. Love your good memories and start to replace the bad ones with new good memories. And I really think we should visit the Buddist Temple.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger anika said...

Tara, that was a really amazing post.

'Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end ...'
~Goo Goo Dolls

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger Gowan will not be silenced said...

Dude, that was heavy. I almost shed a tear.

PS. Sucks to word verification

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger JosuĂ© said...

Wow, you went and got all emo and vulnerable on us. Way to go. Now you are a true blogger.

This is a cool entry.

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger JosuĂ© said...

anika,

I think that song is actually by Semisonic, not Goo Goo Dolls. Sorry, I'm just really anal about music.

And I wanted shipkicker to have other people conversing with each other in the comments on her blog.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger anika said...

Josue, you are far cooler than I.

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger Underachiever said...

Tara(may I call you tara? if not Shippy):

I love this entry.
Especially when you said:

"i remember tending to live in the past and relive every single moment especially the ones that hurt the most over and over until its hard to breathe and i have to remind myself to inhale."

Been there.
Thanks for reminding me to inhale.

Your friend, ally and stranger:

Undr

Look out!!! here is a cheesy quote:


Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.(some dude)

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger leesh said...

hey.. sweet blog.. go canada haha. it's not too often you find another fellow canadian blogger.. just a bunch of foreign people, i've found.
keep up the good work, and feel free to check out mine as well.

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger andrew said...

i remember receiving a phone call late at night wile trying to discover something. i remember receiving a link to a site with photos and words that helped me think. i remember the colors burgundy and pink and words like translucent. these words i will smile at for a wile. i remember cold toes, ripped jeans, and a low cut club Monaco shirt. i didn't even know that company still existed so there for a once extinct co now only endangered brings a smile to my face. there is still hope for this species. i remember the Ukraine and a much desired membership to a club only known as Alberta. 2 years residence needed but i think we can make it work. hope to see you one day. till then (ZORO)

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger shipkicker said...

aww thanks guys... i thought i would get blacklisted for that one.

 

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