dont give away the end
i wish i wasnt so weak. i wish i let things go when it was time to let them go. i wish i knew who i was or at least who i wanted to be. i wish i could stop talking myself out of doing things and just do them. i wish i didnt hate love. i wish i didnt want someone to find me, save me, i wish i would just save myself. i wish i didnt depend on everyone to do everything for me. i wish i wasnt so negative all the time, but its who i am and i wish it wasnt this way. i wish i would try harder to accomplish things and i wish i knew what those things were. i wish that i hadnt let 5 years go by without doing anything to make change. i wish i hadnt let 2 years go by being sad about a boy. i wish i never let them break my heart. i wish i left them before they could leave me. i wish i didnt always seem to make the wrong choices, but never learn from them. i wish i could move away from the things that haunt me. i wish i never got upset all those times. i wish i wasnt resentful to people who try to help me. i wish i didnt take other peoples problems on and i wish i didnt make them take my problems on. i wish my dad didnt tell me i broke his heart when i was 15. i wish i could take those years back so my parents wouldnt have been sad and disapointed in me. i wish i wasnt disapointed in me. i wish i could let my mom hug me without feeling uncomfortable. i wish i could tell people how much i love them. i wish someone would let me in. i wish i would let someone in. i wish it didnt take me twice as long to do things as everyone else. i wish that my grandma never died. i wish that i left when he called me fat and said my dad was going to die. i wish i didnt try to make things something they are not. i wish i didnt fall so hard, so fast, and push it away. i wish i wasnt so lazy. i wish i didnt have such a short fuse. i wish i was more responsible. i wish i wasnt so scared. i wish i didnt focus on the negative. i wish i didnt live in my regrets. i wish i knew where to go from here. i wish i knew what to do next. i wish i knew how to make it better.
posted by shipkicker @ 12:51 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Wowwwwwww. Deep breaths.
Ok you are wayyy better than all this. I already know this through reading your blog. There are enough people out there to put you down without putting yourself down too! You need to focus on the positives in your life. I know that by reading this post you might not think it but you are probably focusing on making everyone else happy all at the same time. You need to give some time over to YOU for a while. Focus on stuff that makes YOU happy. Your family and friends will understand. We all have stuff in our lives that we need to deal with and sort out. They are no different from you on that score!!! Believe me.
And remember you have only just turned 25! You are still young enough to enjoy what life has to offer you and still young enough to have the strength to fend off all the crap that is hurled at you too.
Chin up gorgeous, we are all here for ya. Even those of us who don't know you in real life. Ok??? I said ok soldier! ......... That's better, I heard you that time, hehe.
Shippy, you're good at pinpointing and describing how you feel. That's something a lot of people have trouble doing. I'm proud of you.
:) i wish you knew how much i really appreciate everyones comments and advice... i was having a sad moment that time...
Sounds like you need some of her own advice given back
"dont sell yourself short. you are good stuff."
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