ways and means

i dont care what anyone says i'm sticking with the trebuchet. arial is so last season. ahh yes, another halloween, another weekend, another daylights savings time all gone by. maybe next year i will get it into my head that it isnt neccessary to be friends with all my old boyfriends. because lets face it, sometimes they just creep me out. but yet, i found myself at one of their houses saturday night after the bar. (hootie and i went as pirates for halloween. so awesome) ninety percent of the time when i hang out with this person, i wish i was somewhere else but yet i still find myself in the prediciment that i was in saturday night. the minute i got there i knew it was a bad idea. scratch that, i knew before that. needless to say it ended in me walking out shaking my head while getting yelled at with the door locked behind me. typical behavior but yet here i still am trying to make a friendship out of a bad relationship that never worked in the first place. bahhh. i have the hardest time letting go of guys in my life that i have dated, but no problem at all ending relationships with friends who i feel have done me wrong. which is funny, because the guys i've dated treat me far worse than anyone else, but i stick around for as long as it takes for them to break up with me. and then once i am just finally sane again i open that door and let them back in because for some reason i feel i have something to prove. dont know if its to them or to myself, but it usually ends up messy again with the lines all blurry and even though i know i dont want to date them i know i dont want to not talk to them and go to outrageous efforts to include them in my life when most of the time they couldnt care less. dont get me wrong, i dont really give it too much thought other than it pisses me off. while writing this post, i am also msn-ing one of them.