shipkicker for a bullshit free existence.

has anyone seen lord of war and perhaps would like to explain it to me? nevermind. i dont really care. but jared leto 30 seconds to mars is looking mighty fine these days. so what if he's totally weird and was on my so called life.
i seem to be going thru this weird, unbrought on transitional period right now. i was commenting to a friend last night about being 25, with no job, no boyfriend, no prospects, and living at home with my parents, and my friends are dropping like flies. but its ok. i know that this is all happening for a reason, and its because i have become too complacent in the past few years which has not encouraged me to change the things and shed the people which aggravate me. i hang on to people and things out of fear that i will end up alone. But over this past year, and especially this past month, i have discovered that sometimes it is better to be alone then to put up with the things that make my life harder for me. at this point i am mostly referring to people, not things, and there has been a lot whom i have had to let go of recently. i am getting to the phase of my life, or maybe i am just too tired to put up with the bullshit anymore, and let things slide out of the sake of losing another person. i have noticed with all these friends i have, i still spend the majority of my time alone, and despite what anyone thinks or says, this is not by choice. but as it is something i am so accustomed to, it wouldnt really be that different if i had one less friend . and to be fair, it isnt any different. i keep the people close to me that i know make time to include me in their lives, and if that ends up being only one or two people, then its one or two who are honest with me and with themselves, and i'm ok with that. for once in my life, i am worrying about myself first, because i can no longer except the blame for everything. what if my whole life up until now, everything wasnt my fault. someone said that to me once, and it scared me. because it always what i've been led to believe, and that statement changes my entire existence. i am cautiously optimistic of what the future holds for me. i am looking forward to moving forward. because, of all things, my blog is getting way too emo. and if i'm getting rid of the negativness that has haunted me my entire life, i need a good reason.