i broke into your house last night

so i just went thru all of the fonts this site had to offer (which is none, really) only to find out that they are all just variations of each other. so i'm thinking about starting a petition to send in to wherever you send it to make changes around here. how will people know my blog is cool if i cant jazz it up? if you are with me, leave a comment. in other news, did you know that there is a web site that you can go on and it will tell you if you are blocked or someone has deleted you from their msn? yes, i know. i gasped too. www.msngeeks.com. i couldnt resist a little peek myself and hmm you are all in trouble.
this weekend me and hootie pootie found ourselves at crush (its a bar for those who are still reading this) where hootie proceeded to drink her weight in alcoholic beverages and being that we are a tag team of sorts, i couldnt let her go it alone. well, if youve read my previous blogs (all 2 of you) you will know that i make friends by making out with strangers. now, i dont exactly remember this, and i will be telling this story from hooties point of view so pay attention , i'll go slow...
sunday 12:30 pm i phone hootie
hootie: dude you totally made out with that guy and called him cheesy to his face!
shipkicker: what are you talking about?
hootie: that guy... you should have seen his face, it totally fell. i was looking at you and cringing - you totally told him that this was cheesy and everything about him was cheesy.
shipkicker: i did? what did he say?
hootie: he was like uh thanks. he looked totally crushed. dude, you called him mocheesemo!
shipkicker: oh my god. why dont i remember this?
hootie: i dont know, you were hammered. he said you basically ripped apart everything he was wearing.
shipkicker: well i do remember trying to rip off his leather strap bracelet at the bar and i know i said something about his necklace but thats it.
hootie: no dude. he said uh thanks and you were like i'm just trying to help you out.
shipkicker: i called him mocheesemo? thats awesome. i am a jerk.
hootie: (and this is why i love her) no dude, he totally was.

has the novelty of my shiny new blog already worn off?

as many of you may have noticed, i did not post a blog yesterday. and i considered not posting one today either. but i changed my mind. as you can see. someone has changed the chair in my computer room to one that is not as comfortable. the other one had a spot to put my feet and the cushion on this one keeps sliding off. but alas, that is not the reason i have been neglecting my blogging duties. as it turns out, i really have nothing to talk about. as you can see. although i just noticed an icon on the top of the screen that is shaped like an eraser. i wonder what it does. i should have started this blog three weeks ago. thats when life was good. man, thats livin. i couldve told you about the time i made out with a nineteen year old pro mountain biker from cali because he lied about his age and thats how i make friends. but some of you have heard that one. i could have told you about the time hootie had a bbq and i drank a lot of jello shots and found a straw hat in the garage and wore it for the rest of the night. if i remembered it . or the time i got so bored that i email my favorite clothing company in sweden and asked them to send me a plane ticket because the stores out here never have my size in the stuff i like. and i asked for a translater to acompany me because i dont speak swedish. you think its funny, but i actually did do this. they havent responded yet. weird. or about the foreign kid who broke my heart. i hear switzerland is flooded right now. .. ohhh maybe three weeks ago wasnt so great either...

can i get a hell yeah

well what is this? its seems we have discovered the different colour button. its like my own personal rainbow which i will glady share with all my beautiful readers. we're all like the colours of the rainbow arent we. i'm feeling magical right now. i think i will go outside and ride my unicorn. goodnight my lovelies.... fly fly fly!!!!!!

hootie pootie and shipkicker join forces

hootie pootie is back and the world is rejoicing. i even made her start a blog which i hear is going to be all about love and christianity. and making out with boys and going to second base. in fact, when me and pootie were in high school together, she had quite a reputation for being a makeout bandit. she kissed the boys and made them cry... oh jeez. there i go again telling other peoples secrets. there was this other time though, well, here, see for yourself....


and then there was.... .....and


i'd just like to point out my full on composure in every shot... yes this is how we do...
but if you'd like some inspiring words of wisdom, check out my other half at www.hootiepootie.blogspot.com. at least i think thats what it is. shes not as funny as me, but make her feel special.

is there such a thing as bloggers anonymous

as it turns out i am an addictive personalty. as i have written something everyday and check it all the time. sometimes up to three times a day. this blog is consuming my life. i am so ashamed.

my feet are really dirty

so went to the bar last night for the ex's bday and was the first one there. which means my first drink was free. and then a shot. and then followed by more drinks, some which i paid for, some i scammed people into buying me with my smashing personality and just plain irresistableness. (whatever, its a word and thats how you spell it) apparently i do need alchohol to have a good time. which i did... was a great time. then at the end of the night when i was too drunk to drive home and had to wait it out with some people i learned that everybody knows everything about my personal life-like stuff i didnt even remember and was like holy shit how do you know that kind of stuff. so here it is i wish you could see the look on my face right now because its one of bewilderment. (whatever, its a word and thats how you spell it) my heart is beating really fast, but that could be a side effect of the 6 double vodka redbulls that i had not 9 hours ago and if i'm rambling at all its because i am completely confused and i think it was less confusing when i didnt talk to the ex because the look on my face is still there and jen i know what you are thinking and thats not it but i am bothered and could really go for some turkey bacon right now....

build a bear tears families apart

is it wrong that i called my 9 year old cousins stuffed blue jays bear gay? he did try to kiss pilot inspector. it made him cry. i am an asshole.

am i a loser if i do this everyday and have nothing to talk about

i wonder if i should vary fonts and sizes of fonts to make my blog seem more attractive to the average blogger passer by. wow i am such a naive blog virgin. when will i get into the more juicy stuff like making out with boys and going to second base... i know thats what everyone really wants to know anyway. they dont care about fonts and sizes of fonts. one day soon i will introduce everyone to my stuffed build a bear but is actually a lamb in a pilots uniform that i made yesterday but ohhhh has lived a lifetime in just a few short hours. this is what happens when you have no boyfriend or friends... you make them out of stuffed animals and name them pilot inspector after jason lees baby. that you wish was yours. did i just write that. it seems i did. so it has begun.

oh this is only the beginning

I just want you to know that i will only be doing this blog until I a) get a book deal or b) go on a gay bus tour of tuscany and fall in love with a brokedown house that I just have to buy and fix up and whilst doing so meet a hansome stranger and in which case will no longer need to fill my hours of free time doing a blog. or is that under the tuscan sun.
ahhh jen look what you started.... as i'm sure you will be the only one who reads this and i could probably just call you with updates on my life but lets write it out instead its more incriminating that way. As if I'm not already addicted to text messaging and msn. jesus.
i hope you like the random capitalization and punctuation ( i mean grammar, not politics and tardiness) because as it turns out i am way to lazy to consistantly reach over and hit the shift key. or correct spelling mistakes. oh my. i smell trouble already...